I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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