Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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