shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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