hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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