We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
