When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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