it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
