well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
