i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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