you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
