Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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