how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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