I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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