I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
