I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
