I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
