i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
