Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
