Say something about gay babies.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
