she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
