i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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