worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize