there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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