Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
