So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
