Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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