all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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