Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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