I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
