He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
