I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
