Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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