I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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