I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
