woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
