i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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