If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
