Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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