I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
