I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize