just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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