i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
