my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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