my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
