We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
