is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There r osticjed everywhere
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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