Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
