dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
