i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
