If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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