so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
