what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have tasted many bathrooms
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
