I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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