I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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