Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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