I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
