I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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