i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
