Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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