Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
