can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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