I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize