Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
