Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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